


all the fire we could bleed

by uncorrectgrammar



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, The Author Regrets Everything, and dealing with grief and ptsd, characters eventually talking about their feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22065661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uncorrectgrammar/pseuds/uncorrectgrammar
Summary: “I have to go,” Finn said, standing abruptly before Poe could react.Poe watched him go, feeling an odd sense of loss creeping up from the hems of his robes. It was as if someone had petrified him and glued him to his seat, and Poe couldn’t help but wonder if that smile on the train was the last they would ever share.Or: yet another Hogwarts AU no one asked for.
Relationships: Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Finn & Rose Tico, Poe Dameron & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron & Finn & Rey & Rose Tico, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	all the fire we could bleed

**Author's Note:**

> So I haven’t published or updated anything Star Wars in years. Let’s just say that The Last Jedi killed my enthusiasm for the franchise, and now that Rise of Skywalker is out . . . well, I can go on a pages-long rant about how I feel about it, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is — I’m back and I’m starting the new year with more Finn/Poe stuff because _screw you, Disney._
> 
> My first venture in writing Finn/Poe was a Hogwarts AU entitled [before the sky was painted red](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5737342), and it’s pretty much the plot of TFA set in Hogwarts. This fic was originally intended to be the sequel to that, and while it still uses elements of TLJ, it ended up becoming its own thing. It follows the plot of BTSWPR up until the part where Finn wakes up in the hospital wing, and changes the gang’s age.
> 
> To those who haven’t read BTSWPR, you don’t need to read it to be able to follow this story, since this essentially became an AU of an AU anyway. All you need to know is that prior to the events of this fic, Ben Solo turned to the Dark Side and brought Snoke’s followers to Hogwarts, and Finn and Rey confronted him with Anakin Skywalker’s wand in the ensuing battle, which ended with Professor Skywalker and Rey missing, Professor Solo dead, and Professor Phasma revealed to be a traitor. Basically, it’s the beginning of the Second Wizarding War, and adventure and mysteries are afoot for our characters.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Where’s Rey?”

It was the first thing Finn said when he snapped awake, his eyes bleary and his voice hoarse with sleep.

Logically, Poe knew this made sense. Finn had wound up injured and unconscious because he had been trying to protect her after all, so of course Rey would be the first thing on his mind. Rey had recounted the story herself when she and Poe stood outside the hospital wing’s double doors, waiting until they were allowed in, her face weary and pale, her voice monotonous and dispassionate.

Still, knowing this didn’t stop Poe’s stomach from plummeting when he heard the words, and the sensation was immediately followed by a pang of guilt. For a few seconds all he could do was sit there, looking at Finn, trying to commit every feature to memory, still not quite believing that Finn was _here_ , a little worse for wear but still safe and _alive_.

“She’s okay,” Poe said at last. “Rey’s fine — she’s safe.”

Finn sagged in relief, leaning back on the pillows Poe must have fluffed and re-fluffed a thousand times over while waiting for Finn to wake. Finn — who was alive and _conscious,_ and oh Merlin, he almost _lost_ him — looked like he was about to fall asleep again, blinking and squinting in a dazed sort of way, even as he kept rubbing his eyes groggily.

“And are you —” Finn began, but Poe cut him off with a short chuckle.

“Are you seriously going to ask me if I’m okay? Because, don’t know if you noticed this, but I should be the one asking you that.”

“Yeah, well, I lost track of you when the fighting started and — Rey and I — we weren’t sure — ” Finn rubbed his face, wincing, and Poe couldn’t help the jolt of panic that ran through him at the sight, his nerves alight with worry.

“Do you need me to call Madame Kalonia?”

“No, please stay, I’m just —” Finn groaned again, looking at him with a deprecating smile, “still groggy, that’s all.”

“Maybe you should go back to sleep, buddy. Get some rest.”

Poe didn’t even bother to keep the concern in his voice in check. God, if Jess could see him now, she would laugh and roll her eyes. Would say he was overreacting. _Lighten up, Dameron_ , she would say, with that knowing smirk of hers.

Maybe he _was_ overreacting, but after everything that had happened, Poe thought he was entitled to it. 

“I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing,” Finn said, but he did lie back on the bed. “You should take your own advice. You look like shit.”

“Says you. I look awesome.”

They grinned at each other, and for a moment, Poe let himself pretend that this was like all those times they had exchanged grins and amused looks, like this was yet another one of their inside jokes or something they would laugh about later.

But unlike all those other times, nothing about this whole mess was remotely funny at all. It didn’t seem right, to laugh and grin and joke when there were too many dead, too many missing. Finn must have thought so too, because the smile was gone as quickly as it came, replaced with a look so somber that Poe had to look away.

“I mean it, Poe,” Finn said. “When was the last time you slept?”

Poe ran a hand through his hair, hating himself a bit for suddenly feeling self-conscious. He knew he looked terrible, and he could only imagine what he must look like to Finn right now, with the dark circles under his eyes and unkempt hair. The past few days after the battle had been filled with repairs and worries and mourning, with sleepless nights spent at Finn’s bedside, and Poe would be lying if he said that he hadn’t been trying to distract himself from work, trying to keep himself too busy to dream.

“You’re starting to sound like Jess,” Poe said. “I knew she was a bad influence on you.”

Finn bolted upright, flinching almost immediately as he did, and Poe quickly moved to ease him gently back on the bed.

“Is she —” Finn started, the trepidation in his face as plain as day.

“She’s all right,” Poe assured him. “They all are. We made it back in one piece.”

He tried not to think of all those who didn’t, of the bodies scattered in the Great Hall, of the white sheets that covered them, of the smell of blood and fire and ashes that still lingered over the castle grounds.

Poe could tell Finn was trying not to think about it too. “Good,” Finn said. “That’s good.”

They sat in silence for a while, not sure what to say or where to go from there. The quiet lasted long enough that Poe could hear the rest of the hospital wing slowly coming to life around them, and the murmured voices and quiet footsteps and rustling sheets seemed deafening as he looked at Finn, as he tried to find the words that he knew needed to be said.

In the end, all Poe could do was clear his throat and say, “Are you hungry? I can get you something to eat.”

Finn was much more awake now, but the troubled look never left his face.

“No, no, I’m fine. Don’t go.” The frown deepened as he sighed, and he looked like he was bracing himself for the worst. “Can you tell me what happened while I was out?”

Poe stilled, a sinking, sick sort of feeling curling in his gut. “I don’t know where to begin.”

“Did I really miss that much?”

“Kind of. What’s the last thing you remember?”

Finn looked down, brows furrowed in concentration. “I remember being in the Forbidden Forest. There was snow everywhere, and Rey and I — we were — we were going after Ben —“ he straightened up, eyes widening. “Professor Solo, he’s —”

“Yeah,” Poe said it quietly, eyes on the sheets, where Finn had stopped fidgeting with the hems.

A memory rose unbidden, of Headmistress Organa when Professor Solo had been carried to the Great Hall, another body to be buried, to be mourned. Poe would never forget the look of despair on her face, the larger-than-life legend suddenly small and weary, her shoulders heavy with a weight Poe couldn’t even pretend to understand. Even now, the image didn’t sit well with him, and he felt as though he had committed some sort of crime just thinking about it, like the memory of Leia Organa tired and vulnerable was some sort of punishable offense.

Poe didn’t know how long he sat there, silent, just thinking about it. He might have spent an entire day just mulling it over, if not for Finn’s hand reaching out, slow and hesitant, resting just next to his own. It was enough to jar him from his reverie, and for one fleeting second, he thought of moving his hand just so, so that their fingers would slightly intertwine, closing the distance between them.

Poe didn’t. Instead, he looked up to meet Finn’s eyes, warm and gentle in the way that only Finn could be.

“I’m sorry,” Finn said softly.

The words were harmless enough, but to hear it from Finn, of all people, made Poe flinch. _I should be saying that_ , Poe thought, dimly aware that he had said something to that effect just minutes ago. _I should be saying a lot of things._

“Yeah, I’m sorry too,” Poe mumbled. It was stupid, really, that this was all he could offer in turn. He looked away again and let himself babble, the words leaving him in an awkward rush, “Listen, buddy, you must have a million questions, but — I don’t really — the Headmistress, she can tell you everything, I think. I mean, I _know_ she can tell you everything — she will, she said so herself — it’s just that, well, it’s not bad or anything. It’s — look, it’s about Rey —”

“What happened?” Finn interrupted, and Poe could hear the panic in his voice. “Is she —”

“She’s —”

He thought of Rey, the way she looked the last he saw her — the determined set of her shoulders, the fire in her eyes. Poe had known, even then, that nothing he could say or do would sway her. 

“She’s okay,” Poe said again, and he hoped it was true. “I promise.”

* * *

_Two Months Later_

“So, buddy, how was your summer?” 

Poe tried to keep his tone light and cool as they made their way across the platform. He had never been good at faking though, not when he was with Finn, who could see right through him better than anyone.

But Finn didn’t comment on his lame attempt at nonchalance, didn’t call him out on it and roll his eyes and say, _All right, Poe, what did you do this time?_ as he normally would have. Instead, Finn just shrugged, his eyes seeming to dart at everywhere on the platform but at Poe.

“All right, I suppose. Uneventful,” Finn said, absently petting BB-8, who had curled on top of his cart. Poe was sure he wasn’t imagining how BB-8’s meows sounded awfully concerned, its large black eyes blinking up at Finn.

Still, Poe forced himself to smile. “Uneventful’s good. Great, really, with everything that’s been happening.”

“I wouldn’t really know,” Finn said, his expression still blank and immovable. “I stopped subscribing to the _Daily_ _Prophet_ ages ago. Bit hard to explain to the Muggles at the orphanage, why owls keep showing up at breakfast every morning.”

Usually any sort of reference to Finn’s orphanage left Poe feeling awkward, knowing how much Finn hated living with the Muggles, but everything had been awkward since Poe had seen Finn, who had been walking to the platform barrier as if in a daze, and ran up to greet him, excited to see him after months away, only to get an unenthusiastic _hello_ in return. 

“Well, you’re not missing much,” Poe said. “The _Prophet’s_ garbage anyway. The things they’ve been saying about the Headmistress —”

“What have they been saying?”

Finn finally turned, meeting Poe’s eyes for the first time in months. It stopped Poe in his tracks, and he almost got clipped on the shoulder by some harried older wizard.

“The attack,” Poe started, then stopped, trying to find the words. “On the Headmistress. A few weeks ago, she — the First Order tried to arrest her on Hogwarts grounds, saying she was a traitor and an enemy to the Ministry.” He grimaced. “And she is, technically, now that Snoke has taken over, but no one was supposed to know she brought back the Rebel Alliance.”

Finn frowned. “Are we allowed to talk about that? People can hear us —”

“Well, it’s not like it’s a secret at this point. Everyone knows.”

“Except me, apparently.”

Silence fell between them, strained and heavy, until Poe coughed and pushed his cart forward. It was almost time for the train to leave, and the platform was beginning to empty. All around them, parents were turning to their kids, giving them kisses and hugs, and Poe didn’t miss the way Finn’s eyes lingered on them as they boarded the train.

“Is it even safe, going back to Hogwarts after all of this?” Finn asked as they struggled off down the corridor, Poe peering through the glass-paneled doors into the compartments they passed.

“Safer than anywhere else,” Poe said, in a tone that he hoped was reassuring. “There’ve been attacks on Muggles all summer. When you didn’t write back, I thought —”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” Finn said, looking stricken. It wasn’t a look Poe liked seeing on Finn, but at least his face wasn’t blank anymore. “I’m sorry, I should have said something.”

“It’s all right. I get it, you had a lot on your mind. Rey wouldn’t want you to —” Finn’s face fell, and Poe hastily changed tracks, “I mean — I’m sure she’s all right. There’s been nothing in the papers about her, and no news is good news, right? It means they haven’t found her.”

 _Yet_ hang in the air between them, unspoken and ominous, and Finn looked away, his jaw clenched. Poe tried not to grimace. _Way to go, Dameron_ , he thought _. Open mouth, insert foot._

Suddenly, the train began to move, and Poe, unprepared for the abrupt lurch, stumbled forward. Before he could comprehend what was happening, he found himself practically leaning on Finn, who was holding on to his elbows and arms, the only thing preventing him from falling face-first on the floor. Their faces were mere inches from each other, and Poe could feel Finn’s warm breath on his cheeks.

 _Well, fuck_.

Poe pulled away, forcing himself to laugh and stand upright as he tried to ignore the swooping sensation in his stomach.

“Good catch,” he said, chuckling, trying to fight the warmth spreading across his face, “With reflexes like that, I’m beginning to wonder why you never tried out for Quidditch.”

“And with reflexes like that,” Finn said, without missing a beat. “I’m beginning to wonder why you’re still playing.”

“Ouch.” This time, Poe didn’t have to fake his laugh, and he couldn’t help but look at Finn, smiling. “Low blow there, buddy.”

“Sorry,” Finn said, sounding not at all sorry, his eyes shining.

“Nah, you’ve insulted my honor. Just you wait when my team gets the Cup this year, then you’re gonna be eating your words, buddy.”

“Well, you know I’m going to cheer for you anyway.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” At Finn’s questioning look, Poe added, “Try out for Quidditch, I mean. Because I like it when you — er — when I’m out there, playing and you’re — uh — that is, I —”

The train was gathering still more speed, and the houses outside the window flashed past and they swayed where they stood.

“Should we go find a compartment, then?” Poe finished lamely. He could hear Jess and Snap cackling madly in his head.

Finn looked away. “Um.”

“What?”

“Well — er — I’m supposed to go the prefect carriage.”

“Why do you need to —” Then it him, and Poe grinned, clapping Finn on the back. “You’re a prefect! Buddy, congrats! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve thrown you a party to celebrate.”

Finn laughed, and Poe marveled at the sound, relieved to hear it again. He hadn’t realized how much he missed it. 

“Exactly why I didn’t tell you,” Finn said, smiling the smile Poe knew so well, all wide and earnest. This, too, Poe had missed, and just staring at that smile, he could almost forget everything else. “Besides, it’s not as exciting as being Quidditch captain, is it?”

Poe felt his grin widen. “Are you kidding? It’s as good as.”

“Oh, yeah, the adrenaline rush when I dock off House points? Definitely the same thing as scoring a goal.”

Poe chuckled. “Whatever you say, party pooper. Now go on before the prefects start without you. I’m gonna go find us some seats.”

For some reason, Finn’s smile faltered. “I don’t think you’ll be looking for long. Your friends are probably waiting for you already.”

They probably were. Poe had seen many of his fellow Gryffindors when he had been at the platform, waiting and looking for Finn’s face in the crowd. Many of them had waved at him as they passed, congratulating him on his new position as Quidditch captain.

“They won’t mind if you come with,” Poe said. “You and me, we still have a lot of catching up to do. I missed you, you know.”

He hadn’t meant to say the last part aloud, but the words had slipped past before he could think them through, and it was too late to take them back now. He only had a moment to mentally cringe at himself before he noticed that Finn’s smile had returned, smaller and more hesitant, but still there.

“I missed you too,” Finn said, and it shouldn’t have been a big deal but somehow it was, and Poe was sure he must have looked like an idiot, beaming widely as he was. “I’ll see you after?”

Poe nodded, struggling to turn his enthusiasm down a notch. “Yeah, of course.”

Finn waved at him one last time as he dragged his trunk off toward the engine side of the train. Poe watched him go, feeling an odd sense of loss. He couldn’t remember the last time he had ridden the Hogwarts Express without Finn, and he couldn’t remember the last time Finn was . . . like _this_. Closed off. Terse. Barely saying a word. It wasn’t like him at all, and it sent an icy trail of worry crawling down his spine.

Poe had to admit that it hurt, too, to be on the receiving end of Finn’s . . . _whatever_ it was. He wondered bleakly if Rey had ever seen Finn like this. He couldn’t imagine it, not when it was clear to everyone with eyes how happy Finn was when he was with her, how easy his smiles were, how he looked at her in a way he had never looked at anyone, not even —

 _Not even me._ A strange, sour flavor teased the back of his tongue at the thought.

A soft meow jolted Poe from his thoughts. He looked down to see BB-8, purring and curling around his legs. It was probably his imagination, but Poe could have sworn there was something reproachful about the way his cat was looking at him.

“Right. Compartment. Okay,” Poe muttered, reaching down to take BB-8 in his arms, and trudged off to find an empty seat. No doubt Jess and Snap were here somewhere. Maybe they could take his mind off of Finn and Rey — _and FinnandRey_ , a part of him whispered, and a pang of guilt shot through him — for a while.

* * *

Poe was wrong. Jess and Snap didn’t take his mind off of Finn at all.

Throughout the ride, they had talked of everything, from Quidditch strategies to the war to the whole mess that was going on in the Ministry. They had even talked of who they thought would take Headmistress Organa’s place while she was recovering — Snap thought it would be Professor Ackbar, Jess thought it was a ridiculous suggestion, and Poe crossed his fingers and hoped for Professor Skywalker’s sudden and dramatic return — and who their new professors would be, including their new Head of House, now that Professor Solo was —

Well. _That_ part they avoided mentioning completely.

But even as Poe laughed and ate and talked with his friends, his mind kept drifting back to Finn, wondering when the prefects’ meeting would end, and if he would be able to find Poe’s compartment. By the time the train had reached its destination, Poe still hadn’t seen head or tail of Finn, and some of the worry must have shown on his face, because Jess gave him a sympathetic smile as they scrambled to get their luggage.

“I’m sure he’ll turn up,” she said, patting him on the shoulder.

“Am I that obvious?” Poe said, smiling wryly.

“You kept looking out the compartment, Poe. Jumping up each time someone even so much as _looked_ at us.”

“Hey, what if I’m just putting all our DADA training to heart? Constant vigilance and all.”

“Constant vigilance for Finn, you mean,” Snap muttered under his breath, and Jess silenced him with an elbow to the ribs and a sharp “Shush!”

Poe rolled his eyes, even as he felt his face warm. “See if I make Quidditch practice easy on you, Wexley.”

“Aww, boss, don’t be like that!”

They shuffled out of the compartment feeling the first sting of the night air on their faces as they joined the crowd in the corridor. Slowly they moved toward the doors. Poe could smell the pine trees that lined the path down to the lake. He stepped down onto the platform and looked around, listening for the familiar roaring of Chewie, who always held up his sign to call for the first years to their boats.

But it didn’t come. Instead a quite different voice, a brisk female one, was calling, “First years line up over here, please! All first years to me!”

A lantern came swinging toward Poe and by its light he saw the large glasses of Professor Kanata, who was standing atop a high stool so that she could be seen over the passing heads.

 _Oh, right_ . . . Poe felt a dull, sinking sensation in his stomach as he remembered. He couldn’t believe he had almost forgotten. . . .

“Where’s Chewie?” Snap said out loud.

“Oh, I bet he’s just here somewhere —” Jess tried to say, but Poe was already shaking his head.

“He left,” Poe said carefully, his voice low so no one else could hear. “With Rey.”

Jess and Snap exchanged a look, faces paling. Rey’s disappearance was yet another topic they had tried to avoid, but Poe could see the curiosity in his friends’ eyes, the questions they were itching to ask him.

Poe looked away. “C’mon. We’d better get out of the way, we’re blocking the door.”

They became separated as they moved off along the platform and out through the station. Jostled by the crowd, Poe squinted through the darkness for a glimpse of Finn. He had to be here somewhere . . . Poe couldn’t bear the thought of Finn dealing with his House mates on his own, especially now that Slip was —

Poe shook the thought away. _Don’t think about that,_ he told himself as he shuffled slowly through a narrow doorway onto the road outside with the rest of the crowd. _Don’t even go there. This is not the time for a mental breakdown. Nope, no way._

He looked around for Finn again, and for Jess and Snap, but none of them were anywhere near him, so Poe allowed himself to be shunted forward onto the dark rain-washed road outside Hogsmeade station. Here stood the horseless stagecoaches that always took the students to the castle. Poe glanced quickly at them, turned away to keep a lookout for his friends, then did a double take.

The coaches were no longer horseless. There were creatures standing between the carriage shafts, and they looked like fleshless horses, with their black coats clinging to their visible skeletons. Wings sprouted from each wither — vast, black leathery wings that looked as though they ought to belong to giant bats. Standing still and quiet in the gloom, the creatures looked eerie and sinister, their pupil-less eyes white and staring, and Poe felt a block of ice settle in his stomach once he realized what they were.

“What are those things?” came Finn’s voice, right behind Poe, who almost started in surprise. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like them.”

“You haven’t,” Poe murmured.

“What do you mean?”

“They’re thestrals.” Even saying the name made the hairs on his arms stand on end. “The only people who can see them are people who have seen death.”

Finn gaped at him for a moment. “Wait, you mean like — as in —”

But he didn’t need to finish. The distressed look on Finn’s face told Poe that he understood.

Finn exhaled. “Guess that explains why everyone looks so —” he made face, struggling to find the words.

“Yeah,” Poe mumbled. “I get it.”

And he did. Poe hadn’t noticed it until now, but as he looked around him, many of the older students were looking at the carriages with mingled expressions of awe, fear, and alarm.

“So where were you?” Poe asked as they made for an unoccupied carriage, dodging the other students surging past them.

Finn didn’t answer. He was still staring at the thestrals, looking troubled and faraway, and he stayed like that, silent and lost in thought during the carriage ride, watching the silhouettes of the thestrals moving beyond the window. Even when Jess and Snap showed up, Finn did nothing more but shrug and nod and force smiles as they tried to include him in the conversation. Poe could only exchange helpless glances with his friends, as each attempt was shut down.

Poe tried not to take Finn’s silence personally. After all, the end of last school year had been hell, and Poe knew it wasn’t something he was likely to forget anytime soon.

It seemed Hogwarts wasn’t keen on forgetting those dreadful events either, because there were black drapes on the walls of the Great Hall, and the empty seats on the staff table were a painful reminder all on their own. The most noticeable ones were those on the left and right of the Headmistress’ chair, where Professor Solo and Professor Skywalker had sat since Poe’s first year, and seeing them vacant made Poe’s insides feel hollow.

The Slytherin table had more than a few empty seats as well. Poe tried not to stare at them for too long, but somehow he found his gaze lingering on where Ben Solo used to sit. Only Finn’s appearance, as he settled next to Poe, dragged him forcibly back to the present.

For as long as Poe had known him, Finn had always hopped from one table to another, from his and Slip’s to Rey’s to Poe’s own. With Rey and Slip gone — well, needless to say, Poe couldn’t help but stare at Finn from the corner of his eye, but Finn kept his head down, still with that uncharacteristic blankness. Poe was so preoccupied that he almost didn’t notice his Quidditch teammates waving at him, and the occasional Gryffindor clapping his shoulder and shaking his hand in congratulations.

The Sorting was almost over when Poe finally tore his eyes from Finn. He had noticed, vaguely, that there were new faces at the staff table, but it was only now that Poe realized someone had taken Headmistress Organa’s seat. A woman with purple hair, garbed in high-collared brown robes, sat on the high-backed golden chair at the center.

The woman rose to her feet when the Sorting ended, and a kind of ripple crossed the Great Hall as everyone turned to her expectantly.

“Welcome, students,” she said in a ringing voice, with a beaming smile. “There is a time for speech making, but this is not it. Please, tuck in!”

“So that’s Holdo,” Snap said, as food appeared across their table, dishes of vegetables, bread, sauces, and flagons of pumpkin juice.

Poe, who had been in the middle of piling his plate with roasted potatoes, paused. “You’ve heard of her?”

“Dad says she’s pretty high up on the Ministry. Something like that.”

“The Ministry?” Poe echoed. “That’s . . . weird, isn’t it?”

“I know as much as you do,” Snap said, shrugging. “I just know she used to be an Auror. Apparently her and Organa go way back.”

“Maybe that’s why she’s the acting headmistress,” Jess said. “Like a favor for her or something. That makes sense, doesn’t it?”

Poe turned to her doubtfully. “Not really.”

“Oh no,” Jess said under her breath, and Snap, who had been steadily eating his way through his pie, stared expectantly at her and Poe.

Undeterred, Poe went on, “Don’t you think it’s weird that some high-ranking Ministry official is suddenly acting as the head of the school?” He glanced at Finn quickly, who was listlessly poking at his still full plate. “With everything that’s been going on? With what’s happening in the Ministry?”

Jess groaned. “I know that look.”

“What look?”

“ _That_ look,” she said, making a face. “You’re getting ideas in that pretty little head of yours.”

Poe stiffened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you think something’s afoot, and I think it’s too early in the year to judge.”

“Wait, sorry, what?” Snap asked, staring blankly at Jess and Poe in turn.

“Poe here thinks our new headmistress is suspicious,” Jess said, rolling her eyes.

“I never said that!” Poe exclaimed.

“You were thinking it.”

“I said that it’s _weird_ ,” Poe insisted, “and it is! Since when has the Ministry cared enough to interfere with Hogwarts’ faculty?”

“Since said faculty lost half of its staff, maybe?”

“And whose fault is that?”

“I said it on the train and I’ll say it again,” Jess said impatiently, sighing. “We don’t know if Snoke _has_ taken over the Ministry.”

“Whose to say that he hasn’t? They tried to arrest Organa as enemy of the state!”

Jess’ eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Those are just rumors. No one knows for sure if it’s true.”

Finn looked up from his plate, staring at Poe curiously, and Poe resisted the urge to fidget. _Shit, I’ve said too much_. Merlin, why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut for once?

Still, at least Finn was looking at him now, and Poe seized on it like a lifeline. “Finn, what do you think?”

“It’s possible. Maybe. I don’t know.” Finn said blandly, shrugging. “Does it matter? It’s not like there’s much left of the staff anyway.”

“Of course it matters.” Poe frowned at him. “We barely know a thing about her — she’s not a teacher, but now suddenly she’s taking Organa’s place? _And_ she’s working for the Ministry. Merlin, for all we know, she could be a spy.”

Snape gaped, alarmed. “Woah there, Poe —”

“She and Organa are friends, Poe!” Jess snapped, her voice low as she glanced quickly around them. 

Poe sighed, irritated. “I’m not saying that she _is_ a spy. I’m just saying, it’s a bit . . . _concerning_ , that’s all. Back me up here, Finn.”

But Finn only shrugged again, unconcerned, and Poe bristled.

“What’s the matter with you today?” Poe said, and he didn’t realize how callous it sounded until the words were out of his mouth.

Finn tensed, and he turned to Poe with narrowed eyes. “What do you mean what’s the matter with me?”

Snap flinched and quickly looked away.

“You’ve been acting like —” Poe said, gesturing vaguely at Finn as he tried to find the right words, “ _this_ all day. You won’t talk to me, you won’t even look at me — I don’t get it. What’s gotten into you?”

Distantly, Poe was aware that some of the younger students a few seats away were glancing in their direction, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Boys,” Jess spoke up anxiously, “is this really the time?”

“Maybe I just don’t feel like talking,” Finn said, his voice drowning her out.

“All summer, Finn,” Poe said, feeling the thread of simmering frustration pulsing just below his skin. “You can’t tell me you haven’t felt like talking all summer. And now you’re suddenly acting like you don’t care about anything that’s been going on —”

It was the wrong thing to say, and Poe knew it. But Finn straightened just like Poe knew he would — it was a reaction, it was _something_ , and Poe couldn’t find it in himself to feel bad for breaking through Finn’s unsettling blankness.

“I care. Of course I care,” Finn said angrily. “You don’t think I’ve been losing sleep, worrying about what in Merlin’s name is happening to Rey? Because that’s all I’ve been doing, Poe —”

“You don’t think I’m not worried about her? She’s my friend too. I care about her just as much as you do —”

“Really? Because this whole time all you’ve done is go on and on about Quidditch and your conspiracy theories —”

“Well if you wanted to talk about Rey, you could’ve said something. How was I supposed to know? You ignored my letters — didn’t write me back, didn’t even bother to _read_ them — what was I supposed to think?”

People were staring now, but Poe only had eyes for Finn, who was glaring heatedly at him. _This is new,_ Poe thought. He was sure he had never seen Finn angry at him before.

“Keep your voice down,” Finn hissed.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on with you,” Poe hissed back.

“Nothing is going on with me —”

“Yes, there is! This isn’t you, Finn. What did I do? Are you mad at me or something, is that it?”

Poe hadn’t even noticed his voice had risen, and he tried to take a deep, calming breath. Jess and Snap were staring openly at them now, and neither bothered to pretend that they weren’t paying attention.

“Look, just talk to me, buddy,” Poe said, trying to keep his voice level and even. “I’m trying to understand. Am I missing something here? Did I do something wrong?”

Finn sighed, looking weary, and the tension in his shoulders eased a bit. “This isn’t about you, Poe.”

But even as Finn said it, a thought hit Poe with a sudden jolt. He couldn’t shake it, and it sent an anxious, twisted feeling in his stomach.

“Is —” Poe began, willing his voice not to break. “Is this about Slip?”

It was the first time they had said his name aloud, and hearing it seemed to drain the fight out of Finn. He turned away, the anger suddenly melting away as rapidly as it had risen. Finn didn’t answer Poe, but the silence was answer enough.

“Finn, I — I’m sorry, I didn’t mean —”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Finn said, his voice barely above a whisper, looking at something beyond Poe’s shoulder.

But it was, wasn’t it?

Even the way Finn said it, how he couldn’t even meet Poe’s eyes, made it clear that even he didn’t believe his own words.

But what could Poe do now? What could he say? No number of _I’m sorry_ ’s or condolences would help either of them now. It wouldn’t erase the look on Finn’s face, or wash away the bloodstained robes, or reverse that flash of green light that had haunted Poe’s dreams all summer.

It wouldn’t bring Slip back.

So Poe said nothing, even as he felt his stomach sink through the floor. He could hear the sounds of cutlery scraping against each other, the muttering of the people around them, but it was as though all of these were a long way away, like voices wrapped in cotton. Or a scratchy recorded conversation held long ago and broadcasting from a great distance. It was just them, Poe and Finn, at a standstill, and it reminded Poe of those Muggle pictures — frozen in time, immovable and trapped, each of them in their own frame, an invisible wall between them.

“I have to go,” Finn said, standing abruptly before Poe could react. He left, not sparing Poe or anyone else a backwards glance.

For the second time that day, Poe watched him go, feeling that same sense of loss creeping up from the hems of his robes. He should be going after Finn, shouting Finn’s name as he chased after him — doing _something_. But it was as if someone had petrified him and glued him to his seat, and Poe couldn’t help but wonder if that smile on the train was the last they would ever share.


End file.
